The Holidays…Friend or Foe?

Tomorrow is Halloween, which means we’ve officially entered the 2008 holiday season…the time of year for loving family gatherings, singing carols around the fireplace and all kinds of happy endings. Well, maybe if you had a personal staff of 100 and lived in the Land of Oz, you can pull off the perfect holiday that the media so easily portrays for us in ads, movies and music. But, let’s face it, while the holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, there is little joy to be found in overheated and overcrowded stores, parking spots you’d sell your first child for, relatives you’d never want to see any other time of the year, Martha Stewart decorations you wouldn’t make in your wildest dreams, diets you couldn’t possibly stay on, and record breaking credit card bills you’ll be paying off all year!

You can run away from it all. Book a trip to some tropical island and tell your friends and relatives you’re not “doing” the holidays this year. No parties to plan. No relatives to fight with. No gifts to buy. But then again, you might just miss all the fun. There’s a part of all of us that craves that magical holiday spirit. We want George Bailey to survive in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. We gleefully sing along to “The Little Drummer Boy” even though we’ve heard it ten times that day. We devour those melt-in-your-mouth sugar cookies just like mother used to make.

So, if you decide to stick it out and stay in town, you can do it without stressing out. Here are a few suggestions:

Breathe

Check your breathing right now. Is your chest even moving? It’s a wonder we can keep ourselves alive with the shallow bird breaths we take all day. Holiday time or not, make sure you consciously take a few gargantuan breaths every hour. The kind that make your belly look five months pregnant! It really helps you to center and reduce stress.

Shop On-Line

You may as well get some more mileage out of those rock hard shoulders and stiff back you have from sitting in front of the computer all day. Go shopping on the Internet. Save time, gas and maybe even tax and shipping! You can shop for kids by age, sex and toy category on Amazon.com, thus avoiding that lovely toy store experience of screaming kids who have touched every item in the store with the same hand they just used to blow their nose. The other thing I love about Amazon.com is books for all ages. A book is one of the most inexpensive yet valuable gifts you can give. (BTW, my two books make great gifts!)

Buy Gift Certificates and Consumables

Remember when you were a teen and how you much you “loved” that snowman sweater set from Aunt Kate or the Virgin Mary statue from Grandma? Buying gifts for teenagers is too stressful. Ask their parents what stores they like to shop in and get them a gift certificate. Movie passes also work well.

As for your adult friends and family, do you really think they need another “thing” to clutter up their home? Buy them something they can consume. You can find reasonably priced gift baskets filled with delicious food items at stores like Costco or on the Internet. Or, how about a restaurant gift certificate?

Be Naughty to Be Nice

If you’re a woman, it’s likely that you’re the one in the household in charge of the holiday social calendar, entertaining, cooking, gift buying and peace keeping. Who wants to spread holiday cheer after doing all of that! Take some time for yourself. While you might feel naughty playing hooky from work to go shopping, booking a spa treatment or buying yourself a present, nurturing yourself first will allow you to be joyful around others and avoid those holiday blues.

Give the Relatives a Break

You know who they are. You know what they usually do or say. You know what buttons of yours they like to push. So, if you know all this, you can make a choice in advance. Don’t go there with them. Don’t push back. Let them be. Sip your eggnog and be an observer instead of a participant in the family dramas this year. You’ll be amazed at how things simmer down when you don’t feed the pushers!

Enjoy the Food

Diets deprive people and when people feel deprived they get depressed and eventually rebel. Don’t start a diet during the holidays and don’t feel guilty about everything you put in your mouth. Be thankful for and thoroughly enjoy the food you usually only eat only once a year. Food can bring back loving memories of childhood…soak it up. Just remember to step away from the buffet table when you’re full!

Be Happy Rather than Perfect

Strive for a happy holiday rather than a perfect one. Get rid of any pre-conceived family or media expectations of what you should or shouldn’t be doing this holiday season. Instead, ask yourself, “Am I enjoying this?” If you are, keep doing it. If you’re not, figure out a way to change it, even if you have to disappoint someone or say “no”. The point is…be happy!

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Call a Friend Today

Do you remember your first best friend? Mine was Diane DiGasso. We were both eleven years old when she moved into my neighborhood with her mother, siblings and new stepfather right after her parents got divorced. We bonded instantly over commonalities such as sweaty hands, curly hair and a growing interest in boys. Over the years we've shared much of our lives together-from double dates to college escapades and then on to careers, marriages, divorces (hers), child decisions, pets...well you get the picture. We've lived on opposite ends of the U.S. now for the last twenty years, but when we talk or see each other, we pick up right where we left off as if no time has passed-as if we're still eleven year old girls chatting on the phone about nothing and everything.

Friends form a unique bond that is different from family. They share secrets and dreams that family may never understand or support. And unlike family, you get to pick your friends! My friend Diane couldn't pick her new father, but she could pick her new best friend...me! Who but a good friend would listen to us complain about our families!

Helen Keller once said, "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." We are not put on this earth to live alone or be alone. Countless studies have proven that social connections have a positive effect on our well-being including reducing stress, alleviating depression, and even extending life. What would happen if you lived life without any contact with other people? Chances are you wouldn't have much of a reason to stick around because friends give your life meaning. They also make it fun. Could you imagine Lucy without Ethel, Laurel without Hardy or Butch Cassidy without the Sundance Kid?

Friends nourish our soul, inside and out. Barbra Streisand once sang that the luckiest people in the world are people who need other people. I would add that they are also the richest people in the world because your life is truly rich when you have friends. Make sure you value your friends and keep friendships a part of your life. So, go ahead...call a friend today!

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