What I Did for Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways

Exactly one year ago today at about 6AM, I boarded a plane from San Jose to Burbank with three friends to see a live taping of The Ellen Degeneres Show during her 12 days of free gifts to the audience. It was supposed to be a fun day trip with cheap airfare being our only cost…or so we thought. It turned out to be quite an adventure—one I don’t think I’d want to repeat, yet looking back it was all pretty funny. It’s a kooky story I hope you’ll enjoy. Here’s what happened.
12/11: Taping Day

4:00AM: My alarm goes off, and I’m up and running. Early to the airport – good thing because security rips open every “official” quart size bag. I notice a small a hole in my sock when I remove my shoes for security…hmmm…perhaps a sign of where this day is headed.

8:15AM: People are lined up in the “holding pen” for Studio 11. How can that be—instructions clearly say no lining up until 8:30? Don’t these people follow directions? Must be the free gifts. Turns out that just because you have tickets, doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed to get in.

8:15AM-11:00AM: We do the “step together step” dance and clap our hands to stay warm.

A cute young guy with a big smile gives instructions over and over—“One person from your party needs to be in line…follow the arrows…tickets will be given out at 11:00AM.”

We find out today’s taping is later than we thought. We won’t make the last flight out of Burbank. Should we change our flights? The cute guy, Rev, (we’re now on a first name basis) tells us to wait until 11:00. Noting our line position, he asks what time our flight was that morning. When I say 6:00AM, he asks, “Couldn’t you get on an earlier one?” I think he’s kidding. He’s not.

11:00AM: The final minute! Wait, count, step closer. Wait, count, step closer. We’ll make it! We’ll make it! We’re gonna make it! …We DIDN’T make it! We wait for Rev.

11:30AM: Rev introduces Claudia who has already heard about us—the four desperate housewives from San Francisco who flew down just to see Ellen. We barrage her with questions.

Claudia, has a plan. She’ll put us on the list for tomorrow’s early taping, but we still have to come back and wait in line again. We get lunch and figure it out. All we need is a hotel room and some toiletries. BIG miscalculation! Hello…we’re women!

12:00PM: Can’t get a cab in Burbank. The one we call picks up someone else. We look like four streetwalkers trying to hail a taxi. Must be that extra layer of make-up we put on to last through the taping. One taxi pulls over. He takes us to the Safari Inn—we book the last room—$122 plus $15 for the running taxi meter. And so the “KaChing” begins.

How could four women be this excited about sharing one room, two beds and one bathroom in a cheesy motel???? Must be the sleep deprivation.

12:30PM: During lunch, all of us are on our cells re-arranging work schedules, child care, pet care, and yes, hubby care so that we can stay another day.

1:30PM: Off to Ross for warm clothes for tomorrow’s stakeout, plus PJ’s, undies, etc. We emerge two hours later with 8 bags of clothes! KaChing! Now how are we going to get all this home? We go back in and buy a huge duffle bag. KaChing!

3:30PM: Teresa wants comfy shoes from Payless. KaChing! While walking in the mall, some girl at a counter yells to us, “Hey, Sex and the City Ladies – come get your hair styled”. Now it’s confirmed. We definitely look like streetwalkers. We ignore her at first, but a chair to sit on is just too good to pass up. Besides, the idea of smoothing my now quite frizzy hair is very appealing. Half way through, she pours on the sales pitch. I can’t leave half baked so I buy the iron for $89. KaChing!

4:30PM: I go fetch Teresa at Payless, and while there, I take advantage of that “second pair half off” special and get sneakers. KaChing! Another missed cab doing this. We spot a dead mouse outside the restaurant we just ate in—YUK! Back to the airport to get a rental car. Another cab fare and car rental fee—KaChing! But we all agree it beats being without wheels in Burbank. BTW, our new flights cost $73 more. Ka…well you know…

5:30PM: Have wheels…will go to Target. How many people do you think ask Hertz for directions to Target? I get designated driver status—the rest are ready for Margaritas immediately following Target.

6:00PM: We leave Target with folding chairs, snacks, toiletries and earmuffs! KaChing!

7:00PM: Aah, food and drinks at Acapulco’s—Monday night happy hour. Discount KaChing! We’re still laughing. Maybe it’s the drinks. We make the big decision—what time to get on line. Through some lame “pick the paper” game I devise, we all end up all choosing 2:00AM. UGH!!!! The two Moms in the group who are probably used to getting no sleep volunteer for the first shift.

9:00PM: Back at the Safari Inn—clothing tags and product packages blanket the floor. Now we’ve gone from streetwalkers to bag ladies. Teresa arranges the wake-up calls, but when the operator isn’t so enthusiastic when she’s asked if 2:00AM is early enough to get on the Ellen line, Teresa makes an executive decision and moves it up an hour to 1:00AM! Poor Jillian loses the coin toss and has to drive them over. The hole in my sock is now enormous.



Dec 12: Day Two

1AM-4AM: Alarm goes off as planned—as does all the cancelled ones and our neighbor’s. No sleep for either shift.

4:00AM: Shift #1 calls. Reprieve needed. The good news – we’re number three in line! The bad news—we’re too tired to get excited. FYI, number one got there at 9:30PM yesterday! Now that’s a fan! A very sick one, but a fan indeed. No free gift is worth that much effort!

4:AM-9AM: Jillian and I are huddled together, cold and exhausted. We have no more small talk left to share with our fellow liners. No more smiles. No more guessing games on the gifts. Rev shows up –happy to see us. He repeats the same instructions and answers the same questions—still cheery. How does he do it?

11:00AM: Got our numbers…5,6,7,8! Schlemiel…Schlimazel!….OK, we’re a bit past punchy by now. Back to Safari Inn to get ready. No one can master the $89 hair smoother. Figures. We go to Acapulco (again) for lunch—boy what a monopoly this place has. KaChing!

1:00 – 3:00PM: We go from one holding area to another this time around. Images of Disneyland dance in my head. It’s a bit warmer now, but we dare not take off our sweaters after wearing them for two days. Teresa notes her cashmere has a ripe goat smell. Francette’s has taken on tequila aromatherapy. Huge silent apology to Ellen’s security guards who wand us!

3:00PM: We’re finally in the studio! Yikes, it’s colder here than standing on line at 3:00AM! Claudia recognizes us and ushers us into a great spot.

3:00-4:00PM: Bleary eyed and exhausted, we dance! We cheer! We clap! Guess they call this acting. Ellen is fantastic—she dances right by me!

4:30PM: We get gifts—the theme is family fun. How are we going to get them home? Three of us decide to carry them all on board, lugging 25 pounds worth each! I donate mine to Ellen’s Toys for Tots Drive. Either way…FREE GIFTS! I guess we can call that “Kachang”. It’s all part of the yin and yang of life. Give a little, get a little.

5:30PM: We could try and make a mad dash at the airport for the 6:00PM flight if our bodies could move faster than a slow crawl. They can’t. In fact, walking feels like a triathlon to us.

6:00-7:30PM: Airport food—not yummy! The flight is delayed…go figure. The fear sets in – will we have to spend another night in Burbank? Think positive. Think positive. Think positive.

For some insane reason, now we decide to take a cell phone photo of us to remember the trip. The man sitting next to us offers to take it after he hears us laughing about how all our butt cracks stuck out of the panties we bought at Ross! I surmise that’s why they call them “boy shorts”—because boys must love ‘em!

11:00PM: We all say our good-byes. Francette, still bouncing with energy, says, “Hey, let’s do this again next year!” I’m thinking not…a big NOT!

11:30PM: Home at last. Home at last. Thank God, I’m home at last.


Dec 13: Air Date

4:00PM: There we are on TV dancing with Ellen as if it were just another normal day. If she only knew….